I'm quickly realizing that I need to come up with new dreams and fast. I'm fulfilling dreams that I've had since childhood at record speed. As a kid I just assumed that it wouldn't happen and so I never thought I'd need to come up with back up dreams to replace the ones that I had...a great problem to be faced with. I mean...I used to think that I'd be happy if I could just do a few certain things and I'm not ready to expect nothing more out of life yet, too much time...
I'm talking of course of seeing Les Mes Friday night. I drove (successfully not getting lost I might add) up to the Woodlands and went with Sara and Justin's fam to theatre under the stars and fulfilled a dream I had since I dunno....8? 10 years old? It was way good too, only a few cringe moments and really minor too so it was way good!
Dad is doing the final preperations for us to go to Scotland at the end of the summer...that I never thought would happen so soon...but can NOT describe how excited I am!!! But it won't be my last trip there-right marls? this is just strictly research and reconasence for our trip there at a later point.
so yea...I need new life goals and dreams-asides from the obvious...
hmmm....
I still want to go to New Zealand but...it was never an obsession which takes all the fun and excitement out of it...
well poo...
I want to go back to Russia some day...
I wouldn't mind seeing Jekyll and Hyde-some gorgeous songs....
oh! totally forgot. sheesh, how embarassing- a dream I've had since little too, to go to Egypt and just go explore around in the pyramids, that's still a good dream.
Ireland is still up there too....
I was craving a caeser salad sooo bad today and for dinner dad took us to carrabas and i got their caeser salad iwth chicken and they place, i kid you not, a punch bowl of salad infront of me. I prolly ate 75% of it and proceeded to feel sick and over-stuffed the rest of the night. I had no idea you could feel like that from salad, shrug, but i got my caeser salad fix so all is well.
I got some new running shoes since me and steve are starting our work out schedule monday-i've pretty much just accepted and consigned myself to being in pain the rest of the summer, feel the burn!
I also got a rocket's jersey. IT's #96-artest. I wanted McGrady but this was the only small so i get stuck with some punk that gets in fights and has not the cleanest record as far as those things go-yea! ya know me, the lil gangsta...just how I roll...
sheesh, I'm Abviously way tired and need to hit the pillow...
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Up and Up
Yesterday
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more
Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history and what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be
chorus:
Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
And I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you
Now I have all that
i could ever need
the confidence of knowing
there's still time
to make ammends and
try to build a better me
to take the right steps
as this road unwinds.
But I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
Right there at the end
Is where I'll be
You never cease
To supply me with
What I need
For a good life
So when I'm down
I'll hold my head up high
Cause you're the reason why
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more
Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history and what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be
chorus:
Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
And I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you
Now I have all that
i could ever need
the confidence of knowing
there's still time
to make ammends and
try to build a better me
to take the right steps
as this road unwinds.
But I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
Right there at the end
Is where I'll be
You never cease
To supply me with
What I need
For a good life
So when I'm down
I'll hold my head up high
Cause you're the reason why
sister sister
"Researchers quizzed 571 people aged 17 to 25 about their lives and found those who grew up with sisters were more likely to be happy and balanced."
"Lead researcher Professor Tony Cassidy said:'Sisters appear to encourage more open communication and cohesion in families. However, brothers seemed to have the alternative effect'".
hmmm....no sisters and three brothers...what does that say about me?! hahaha
good thing I had a sis (ya know who I'm talkin' about ;)
"Lead researcher Professor Tony Cassidy said:'Sisters appear to encourage more open communication and cohesion in families. However, brothers seemed to have the alternative effect'".
hmmm....no sisters and three brothers...what does that say about me?! hahaha
good thing I had a sis (ya know who I'm talkin' about ;)
dark as night
The clouds were so dark driving to work and they filled the sky-from horizon to horizon making everything seem really rich-greens are greener, the air just seems full of energy, nutrients, something... At least I don't feel like the air is that charged when it's just a clear day with the sun shining. I had the thought-maybe it would have been cool to go ahead and do meteorology but let's be honest...for the most part you're either stuck in a lab doing research or in a studio, not as many people are still out there actually chasing the storms etc. It reminds me of when I was...actually I don't remember but younger...middle school maybe and I was talking about wanting to be an archeologist and going off to explore random ruins and finding cool discoveries etc. and my dad pointed out how actually finding something big like that rarely happens plus it takes a lot of money to do those digs and how it's not like some indiana jones movie plus that's not a very good job condusive for a mom with kids-what, you'll just take them along on the digs? etc.
Now, I see how most of that is true now and he was just being realistic, which is who he is, but I remember feeling so limited all of the sudden. I had all of these fantasies of cool jobs, going off to far off places, having adventures (i wanted to be a storm chaser, paleontologist, archeologist, marine biologist...lots of -ists...) and now you're telling me that that's not likely? I suddenly felt like the expectation of being a wife/mother in our religion was like a ball and chain holding me back from doing what i wanted to do.
Of course, i've since grown up and matured and I realized that if I was seriously serious about any of those I could have studied that, but I still get these lil moments of restlessness/ nervous energy when I just want to go somewhere, do something out of the ordinary and rarely can I find something to do that satisfies it so I just wait for it to pass. Of course, it doesn't help being home where none of my friends are, and a job every day, basically every day being the same as the last. I think it esculates the restless bouts.
Not that it really has to be something grand like jumping on a plane and going off to Prague for dinner (tho, let's face it, i wouldn't be opposed) but just doing something spontaneous and unplanned i guess...for example one time me, heath, and...miller? were driving in the canyons at night and that queen song i want to break free came on and i think it started snowing or something...anyway, we parked on the side of the rode, turned on the headlights, and turned up the music and just danced/sang/ in the headlights and it was really actually pretty dumb, but it was random and totally of the moment and it felt great. Or like the night we were trying to think of things to do and we went to walmart and bought rootbeer and oatmeal because mixed together and when "thrown-up" it looks real and went around to different places in Provo "throwing-up" while the rest hid, watching people's reactions. I'll never forget the one when we suddenly stopped the car and I can't remember if it was me or someone else, but they stumbled out of the car and "blew some chunks" just as another car was driving the other way and they rolled down the windows and were all cheering (thinking we were partying/drunk prolly). See, it doesn't take much just...randomness in all its glory.
O well, the feeling has passed for the most part and I feel content today. I read a cool article in the ensign (church magazine) about peace:
"It is a curious commentary on human nature that men who cry for peace look upon peace as something that may be picked as an apple from a tree, something that lies about within easy reach of humanity. If I picked an apple from a tree, I have first planted the tree, cared for it, watered it, brought it to maturity. Then in due time I may have the fruit. So with peace. It is not a thing by itself to be picked up casually; but it is the fruit of something precedent. Like the tree, something must be planted and nourished and cared for if we are to obtain peace."
"It is a marvel to thinking men that those who write on peace fail to understand that it can be obtained only by the use of a body of principles which, if obeyed, in time would give us peace. We cannot begin with peace; we must begin with the philosophy or the system which, if accepted and honored, will lead to peace...the good things of life-above all, peace- can come only through acceptance of the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. He was the Prince of Peace. He is the Prince of Peace."
I was trying to think of why it is, in a nutshell, that living by the gospel of Jesus Christ brings peace, because I imagine some people who are strictly not religious would be annoyed by that statement thinking, well, I don't have to believe in God in order to find peace in my life-i can just be a good, honest, moral person etc. Well....whether you choose to believe in God or not, you're still living by the gospel-whether you recognize it as such or not. Basically when you are really trying to live the gospel it helps you to be selfless. It changes your focus from inwards, on yourself, to those around you and seeing the good/positive in things. Well, of course that would bring peace. The enemy to peace is selfishness-being focused in on yourself, doing things to preserve yourself and not caring about others or having charity, so naturally a philosophy or teaching that helps people have charity, be selfless would bring peace wouldn't it?
"on the floor at the great divide with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied..."
Now, I see how most of that is true now and he was just being realistic, which is who he is, but I remember feeling so limited all of the sudden. I had all of these fantasies of cool jobs, going off to far off places, having adventures (i wanted to be a storm chaser, paleontologist, archeologist, marine biologist...lots of -ists...) and now you're telling me that that's not likely? I suddenly felt like the expectation of being a wife/mother in our religion was like a ball and chain holding me back from doing what i wanted to do.
Of course, i've since grown up and matured and I realized that if I was seriously serious about any of those I could have studied that, but I still get these lil moments of restlessness/ nervous energy when I just want to go somewhere, do something out of the ordinary and rarely can I find something to do that satisfies it so I just wait for it to pass. Of course, it doesn't help being home where none of my friends are, and a job every day, basically every day being the same as the last. I think it esculates the restless bouts.
Not that it really has to be something grand like jumping on a plane and going off to Prague for dinner (tho, let's face it, i wouldn't be opposed) but just doing something spontaneous and unplanned i guess...for example one time me, heath, and...miller? were driving in the canyons at night and that queen song i want to break free came on and i think it started snowing or something...anyway, we parked on the side of the rode, turned on the headlights, and turned up the music and just danced/sang/ in the headlights and it was really actually pretty dumb, but it was random and totally of the moment and it felt great. Or like the night we were trying to think of things to do and we went to walmart and bought rootbeer and oatmeal because mixed together and when "thrown-up" it looks real and went around to different places in Provo "throwing-up" while the rest hid, watching people's reactions. I'll never forget the one when we suddenly stopped the car and I can't remember if it was me or someone else, but they stumbled out of the car and "blew some chunks" just as another car was driving the other way and they rolled down the windows and were all cheering (thinking we were partying/drunk prolly). See, it doesn't take much just...randomness in all its glory.
O well, the feeling has passed for the most part and I feel content today. I read a cool article in the ensign (church magazine) about peace:
"It is a curious commentary on human nature that men who cry for peace look upon peace as something that may be picked as an apple from a tree, something that lies about within easy reach of humanity. If I picked an apple from a tree, I have first planted the tree, cared for it, watered it, brought it to maturity. Then in due time I may have the fruit. So with peace. It is not a thing by itself to be picked up casually; but it is the fruit of something precedent. Like the tree, something must be planted and nourished and cared for if we are to obtain peace."
"It is a marvel to thinking men that those who write on peace fail to understand that it can be obtained only by the use of a body of principles which, if obeyed, in time would give us peace. We cannot begin with peace; we must begin with the philosophy or the system which, if accepted and honored, will lead to peace...the good things of life-above all, peace- can come only through acceptance of the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. He was the Prince of Peace. He is the Prince of Peace."
I was trying to think of why it is, in a nutshell, that living by the gospel of Jesus Christ brings peace, because I imagine some people who are strictly not religious would be annoyed by that statement thinking, well, I don't have to believe in God in order to find peace in my life-i can just be a good, honest, moral person etc. Well....whether you choose to believe in God or not, you're still living by the gospel-whether you recognize it as such or not. Basically when you are really trying to live the gospel it helps you to be selfless. It changes your focus from inwards, on yourself, to those around you and seeing the good/positive in things. Well, of course that would bring peace. The enemy to peace is selfishness-being focused in on yourself, doing things to preserve yourself and not caring about others or having charity, so naturally a philosophy or teaching that helps people have charity, be selfless would bring peace wouldn't it?
"on the floor at the great divide with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied..."
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
oh what a malay (sp?)
I really do believe in there being a balance in everything. Everything evens out eventually; it all comes out in the wash. Last night was a perfect example. Marla has the complete opposite of what I have but she would have to in order to compensate right? Too bad it can't be spread around a little more evenly ;)
So I bought and watched Penelope starring christina ricci, reese witherspoon, and my favorite james mcavoy. I was really surprised by this movie-was NOT what i was expecting, but it was still enjoyable-funny, cute, and...did i mention james mcavoy is in it? seriously it was all worth it just for this end scene. Normally I'm not a fan of when guys just go in for the kill, in this case, chasing the girl down and the whole forceful thing, but...he does it so well and in a non predator-type way, haha.
It's very reminiscent of a kiss he shared with anne hathoway in becoming jane...i'll see if i can find that clip-i'm having fun with the clips right now.
I need to get out more...
So I bought and watched Penelope starring christina ricci, reese witherspoon, and my favorite james mcavoy. I was really surprised by this movie-was NOT what i was expecting, but it was still enjoyable-funny, cute, and...did i mention james mcavoy is in it? seriously it was all worth it just for this end scene. Normally I'm not a fan of when guys just go in for the kill, in this case, chasing the girl down and the whole forceful thing, but...he does it so well and in a non predator-type way, haha.
It's very reminiscent of a kiss he shared with anne hathoway in becoming jane...i'll see if i can find that clip-i'm having fun with the clips right now.
I need to get out more...
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