be with myself and center

Name this famous book:
"Summer was on the way; Jem and I waited it with impatience. Summer was our best season; it was sleeping on the back screened porch in cots, or trying to sleep in the treehouse; summer was everything good to eat; it was a thousand colors in a parched landscape; but most of all, summer was Dill." (ok, totally gave it away with the names)

Work was a lil more hoppin' than normal what with Doug back and I was never really on kid detail. They leave tomorrow for Jamaica and mon-wed it'll just be me keeping busy=bored.
Needless to say I'm looking forward to next weekend for many different reasons.
1. Because i'll get to see the people that mean the most to me and i haven't seen them in a long time
2. I get to go on a plane ride/travel alone (actually kinda like it-a good opportunity for contemplating/listening to the ol' ipod)
3. break from work
4. will be some interesting observing opportunities
5. Maybe I'll get to see snow
6. I get to wear my russian coat (don't get excited-it's not fur or nice....now that i've worn it for the past two winters, but it'll be familiar and nice)
7. I'm gonna get my fill of farm things....apparently living in texas the past 13 years hasn't managed it yet.

I babysat tonight for a fam in the ward-perfect and sweet kids-man what a great, easy way to make some extra cash. Sometimes I wonder if I'm completely socially adled that I'd be satisfied to just work, baby sit random nights, and go to church until the fall. No more, no less. I'm sure I won't always feel this way but it's enough at this point. O yes, and the occasional "humbling" with my younger brother which is code for ping pong (and when I say humbling I mean my massacring him-it's almost not enjoyable anymore....notice i said almost.)

Ok, so what you've all been waiting for-random tangent time. So, don't ask me what made me think of this but all of the sudden I was thinking of a certain conversation that I always somehow find myself in with guys-whether it's someone I dated or just a group of them hanging out etc. I suddenly realized how much I despise this conversation and how often it seems to happen to me and now-that i've realized i despise it, almost wish i could find myself in the same situation again so i could speak my mind and not sit silently obviously bothered by it. So the conversation starts out with: "so...what's the worst thing you've ever done/ or biggest rule you've broken" or something along those lines-you get the point of it. Not necessarily talking about- bishop interview type stuff just.....trying to prove to each other that....actually, i don't even know. One of the reasons I hate this turn of conversation-i normally always end up thinking less of the people that share and it's not why you think. It's not because they admit to something and I realize they have a past/aren't perfect (what a shocker) but it's how they view their actions/mistakes-how they see it in a glorified light now, like they have cool experience points now because they screwed up in the past-and if you don't have some kind of serious thing to admit to they instantly seem to know you. Get this knowing look in their eyes and just kind of laugh at you through their tone: what, you can't think of anything?? i bet you've never done anything close to being bad etc. Suddenly you're considered this innocent and naive (i still don't know why these two words get lumped together) like the girl from a walk to remember or something. If you manage to drag something out of your memory you remember it and feel guilty for it again, and if you can't everyone makes it out to be a bad thing (prolly just to make themselves feel better) leaving you feeling alienated from the group so no matter what, you're not bound to get warm fuzzies from the convo. First of all, if I had done something-why would I tell you about it? Who are you to me? What's the purpose? What does it prove? I just hate these conversations....it just feels so....juvenile.
I warned you; you can't complain-i said it was a random tangent.
Anyway...and now I almost hope for some sort of attempt to start one of these convos so I can stop it before it even begins or atleast tell them to invite me back in the convo when it gets interesting again.
eh, I think too much sometimes. Seriously, barely anything worth mentioning happens and my mind just clamps down on it and it fills my thoughts all day long and I'm glad that people can't read my mind-they would be like...are you still thinking about that?! get over it! haha