Gumption. Courage, also known as bravery, fortitude, will, and intrepidity, is the ability to confront fear, pain, risk/danger, uncertainty, or intimidation...

Having this and knowing when to use it is a tricky thing. In all matters concerning myself I can use it pretty good because I know me, my abilities, limits, etc. but when dealing with other people and their personal decisions, and when trying to change their outcome/course how far do you go? How forward should you be. I mean, I may give a vague option/opportunity for them to choose something different, but I don't have the gumption to come out and say: please don't do this or that etc. I catch myself chickening out easier when it involves someone else's decisions. I mean, it is their decision in the end, I can't change that, but do I try hard enough to let my opinion be known/to give wise counsel, to help them see an option that they are blind to at the moment?

That has to be the worst feeling when you know you should do or say something but don't know how and it passes you by and you think-is what they did/decided on my head now, because I didn't give them the opportunity to turn back/away? Because I didn't speak up even though it would be really forward and nosy of me?

I don't know, but I hate feeling helpless, not knowing my boundaries. Because I care, I really do...maybe I care too much most of the time, am somehow too emotionally attached to those around me, really care even though our relationship is pretty surface level-i still care deep. People may think I'm being nosy or butting in where I don't belong, but it's not out of any personal pleasure in being in "the know" it's cause I honestly care, and I don't want anyone to experience unnecessary pain...I would want someone to do the same for me if I were teetering on a bad decision.
Sorry, I know I'm speaking in code, just musing for myself really.

I'll say yes to the dress but no thank you on the service...

So today I went for my final fitting of the wedding dress-technically i already went in for the "final" fitting but the owner thought they should press it again cause the seams were folding weird etc. So after two plus weeks the alterator lady calls. She's nice, don't get me wrong, and she has a cute accent but on the phone-not so cute...
so she calls and wants to set up a time for me to come in. the only problem is, i have to pick a time i think someone can come with me to help. So after some back and forth I settle on Tues at 5:30 (at least, i think it's tuesday-i'll feel bad if i made the mistake, shrug). So anywho, we show up to the shop on center street and no one is there-it's dark and there's a notice on the door notifying them that the water and electricity is turned off. I'm guessing they moved stores, but I wasn't informed that the move would have taken place. Luckily drea knew where the new store was. So we go to the new one up on state street-it's not open yet but it will be great once they get it up and running. The doors are locked so we stand around waiting for someone to happen to walk by and waved. Then we got taken in through a side door through some unfinished rooms and upstairs to the seamstress' area.
" you have a final fitting at 5:30?"
"i don't have anythin today."
She claims i said monday, whatever-you didn't tell me about the location change so we're even.
So she gives me this way complicated belt she made to go over the white one-it's bright pink for a lil splash of color at the reception. Luckily andrea understood it cause I was lost. I realized that I forgot to put on the slip. They had given me a used one for cheaper and i had kept it with the dress, but apparently in the move they couldn't find the exact one-why you wouldn't keep it with the dress is beyond me, but whatever, they're in transition. So a worker went and found a one size fits all slip. Then the seamstress starts ringing me up. I knew the total from the last invoice should have been around 170ish, but noticed that this one was over 200. Before I knew it, I was opening my mouth and questioning the new price. This is crazy for me-I hate being annoying or picky when it comes to these things. I would get sooo embarassed when mom would start arguing with the check-out lady in stores over a matter of cents. Granted, this wasn't just cents difference, but there I was opening my mouth and said-I think the belts were cheaper on the last invoice (noticing that they were now listed as sixty.) She gave this lil' scoff laugh and said yeah, they were put down as twelve dollars which doesn't make sense, that wouldn't even pay for an hour of seamstress work. Again I surprised myself- yes, but the owner gave us a special deal, I dunno...but you should ask him about it cause he did that. (i know, still not the strongest, most assertive way, but it's a lot for me.
So I can't remember what she said after that (it never got heated) but again I pointed out that the owner had done this for us, and there was another worker that had been there for every one of my visits said: if the owner put it down then just keep it how it was. She shrugged and said ok.
YES!
thank you one and all. So after she rang me up I was expecting her to show me how to do the other belt (there's two different options) on the dress while it was off me since it would be easier, but she just put it in the bag and that was that. Whatever, Andrea already knows how to do the other one. After she got the dress in the bag she just went back to her table-didn't say: ok, well you're all set to go, or something like that so we said thank you to which she said something like- have a fun wedding and we just left.
I know it sounds worse than it was, i mean, there wasn't any animosity or tone, just a general lack of taking care of the customer or guiding them through. So we found our way out of that unfinished labrynth by ourselves. I'm sure they'll have great service once they're up and running and not in the middle of transition, but seriously....not impressed.
oh well, I have the dress now-it's hanging up in my room now, it doesn't feel real. But now all of the absolute pieces of the puzzle are in place-the dress, the place, the rings (i ordered cody's yesterday and it should get here next week!)and...the guy! the most important piece of course 8)

tonight's moon-CRAZY bright!

Monticello pics

Ok, so you really can't tell how amazing it looked-the colors are so washed out in these pics but everything was rosy pink and orange-even the sky too. It's so crazy how southern Utah feels like Mars.

You know you're in Monticello when....

I have just had a great mini trip with code down to see his grandparents in Monticello and man was it fun!
It was so refreshing to go to a town with quite the different pace. A place where everyone waves and smiles. A Place where people driving in opposite directions stop to chat even though there are cars waiting behind each and they don't honk!
You know you're in Monticello when you look up at the mountain and see a horse's head.
You know you're in Monticello when you drive up to chat with the local law enforcement and no one is wearing seatbelts in the car...in fact...they make fun of you if you wear them, but don't worry you rarely go over 30 anyway.
You know you're in Monticello when you don't lock your car and you keep the windows rolled down too.
You know you're in Monticello when everyone knows everyone and they can tell you exactly where the two gay men live, or as they refer to them as: the broke-back mountains.
You know you're in Monticello when you see 20 deer or so in an hour and you're apologized to for not seeing enough deer.
You know you're in Monticello when you go to the pioneer day parade which is an AMAZING parade with some homemade floats, horses, tractors, police cars, and firetrucks (who spray the kids in the audience with their hoses), and free candy, balloons, and popsycles are given out like it's no tomorrow.

It was a great trip spent with some GREAT people 8) Grandpa and Grandma Slade are a hoot and a holler and are always good for a laugh. We played zion's check more which is quickly starting to grow on me (i won twice in a row ;)

In other news, we got back around 6ish. I think it was a combination of things but I wasn't feeling too great. (prolly a combo of: fatigue, dehydration, and all the junk we ate all the way there and back-my system was hard up for some real healthy food.) I took a lil nap and then we got some dinner-i got a salad and proceeded to scarf it once I wasn't feeling so queezy and then we watched fried green tomatoes. It was the first time I ever saw it, but it was sooo good! There was a sad part though so that, plus my being tired, plus me not feeling 100%, plus me newly being on birth control...well...I finally had my first irrational cry. Granted it wasn't bawling or anything, but it was really weird...I mean, normally if I'm crying I at least know why whether I want to admit it or not, but this was just a billion little things that aligned just right. Cody was great about it of course-as always he's my loving rock-solid and compassionate. I'm not too worried though-I mean, if it starts happening a lot then maybe I'll switch to something else, but I really just think it was cause I was so tired from the trip AND that it's so flippin' HOT in this apartment-sheesh... I hope I can sleep tonight-it's hard for me to sleep when it's hot.
I'll post the few pictures sometime that I got of the landscape on the way to Monticello before my camera died (i know-what a bummer!)

Here comes the bride all dressed in....pink?

Traditional? maybe not....but comfortable? ...oh yeah....plus, you can't even see the shoes 98% of the time.

better be prepared to be surprised

I love this closing monologue from dan in real life (he is a columnist):

"Dear Readers, for most of you this is my first column in your paper. In the future, I will be answering your questions, but today I want to break from my usual format and talk to you about the subject of plans. Not so much my plan for this column, more like life plans. How we all make them. And how we hope that our kids make good, smart, safe plans of their own. But if we're really honest with ourselves, most of the time our plans don't work out as we'd hoped. So instead of asking our young people, "What are your plans? What do you plan to do with your life?" maybe we should tell them this:

Plan to be surprised."

Also, youtube sondre lechre (or however you spell it) and the song: be surprised-I love this one!!!

My hands are shaking by Sondre Lerche

I love this song and the overall style of this guy-largely featured throughout Dan In Real Life. I'm going to try to add it to my playlist down below so check the last song on the playlist to hear it.


My hand are shakin
From carryin this torch
From carryin this torch for you

My lips are bleeding
From kissin you goodbye
From kissin you goodbye every night

My sheets are tearin
From sleepin in too long
From sleepin in too long with you

My hands are shakin
From carryin this torch
From carryin this torch for you

My head is where
It's always been
If only I knew where

My feet can't stand
their ground no more
It seems that I don't care

My hands are shakin
From carryin this torch
From carryin this torch for you

My lips are bleedin
From kissin you goodbye
From kissin you goodbye every night

My heart is poundin
yes yes yes
My mind just second guess
My love is so
articulate
But I am such a mess

My hands are shakin
From carryin this torch
From carryin this torch for you.

a cool video from my friends from Russia

the song is called the road home.

kudos whoever did this-KUDOS!

stole it from Chelsea who stole it from Council Bluffs

it's tough being a girl...

I'd like to think that I'm a well-balanced person. I'm not easily peggable, you can't put me in any one peg and have that be more true than another peg. I'm not really a girly girl in that I'm not really high maintenance...in fact it's weird when I get too much attention. I'm also not exactly a tom boy-I enjoy wearing make-up or doing my hair and I'm not exactly a great athlete, but I enjoy messing around with different sports and love watching them on tv (if they're college).

For example we had a girls' night last night as our future/husbands played smash together. We watched sleepless in seattle and did facials. 8 hours later: I'm doing yard work at my president's and am absolutely filthy






.......


ok, or maybe I just like to put gross things all over me....

(btw, the ingredients for the facial mask: an egg yolk, a tablespoon of honey, and a teaspoon of olive oil...not sure if it did anything but my face was soft after i washed it off, shrug AND you boil green tea and cool it in the fridge and soak cucumbers in it for a bit.) and yes, i felt weird buying green tea after spending my entire mission trying to avoid it.

What's been up lately

Let's start with the 4th shall we? So there was a wonderful parade down university avenue that we went to. We showed up about ten minutes after it had started and easily found a spot where we could see the street, whereas there were people who actually decided to sleep out on the street all night to make sure they got a good spot...though, I did hear that most of them ended up eventually in bed and actually slept through the parade-but I'm sure it was fun just sleeping out on the street and giggling with the hobos ;)

Um, but yeah the parade was good-there were a few good floats, some llamas that decided to releave themselves just as they passed us-surprisingly like bunny's..well...ya know. My absolute favorite was prolly the float that had three people dressed up as moses, nephi, and joseph smith. Nephi was holding the plates singing some patriotic song-priceless, and of course the missionaries are always a favorite.
Then after the parade we hopped over to Micky D's for breakfast. That evening we got together with all the younger cousins and played some games and did some of our own fireworks. On the actual fourth me and Code had our first 4th of July BBQ extraveganza! We grilled some steaks on a table top grill/griddle/thing, had corn on the cob-which actually turned out good!, twice baked potatoes and a red/white/and blue fruit salad (strawberries, blueberries, and bananas). It was SO good-especially since it was fast sunday 8)
here's a pic of our spoils:




In more recent news, we had a wonderful themed date by code where we first went to pick up eric and heidi where we put on the following:



Then we went to Skipper's seafood for dinner followed by a live community production of Pirates of Penzance in an outdoor pavilion! It was sooo much fun, and they had pretty strong singers for the main parts: frederick, pirate king, major general,and mabel were all excellent...oh yeah, and ruth was good too. the only downer was the sergeant-policeman...too quiet a voice and not enough comical energy. Still, it's a hard musical and it was pretty good for a community play with more people on stage than in the audience.
Then it was back to eric and heidi's to play that dice game that is played on pirates of the carribean-where they shake the dice in a cup and you only look at your dice and then start guessing how many are out there like: 2 fours, and each person has to up it whether it's 3 fours or 3 fives etc.
It was a way fun night 8)

Blindside

So we finally saw this movie. I had heard from everyone and their mother, including mine, that this was a way good movie and of course I had heard of Sandra Bullock's performance. They were all right. It was a way good movie and just felt like real life-they didn't over-dramatize some sort of conflict...I mean, don't get me wrong, there were conflicts to overcome but at the same time it wasn't this huge dramatic thing-it's like it would be in real life. I loved Bullock's character-what a spitfire....so many times me and code were just like: "oh snap, it's going down, she's gonna kill someone" haha. I highly recommend it. As for me I'm ready for my muscles to stop being stiff-that hike really kicked my butt, but for now I'll just happily lay around enjoying not moving 8)

oh yeah, the only thing-would have liked to see more football, but I get that it's not exactly a remember the titans kind of movie, but more focused on bullock's character and Michael.

oh yeah, HAPPY CHOCOLATE DAY!

thank you related press

"A NEW Zealand man was found dead in his seat at a movie theatre.

Police said they were treating the death as unexplained, but not suspicious, The New Zealand Herald reported.

The man's body was found at a theatre in the capital Wellington about 8.30pm (local time) last night at the conclusion of the vampire film, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse.


The man, who was described by police as a "transient" who travelled throughout the country, appeared to have attended the 6pm screening alone.

An autopsy will be carried out tomorrow to determine the cause of death."

.....come on,is it not obvious? is the autopsy even necessary-the man's been through enough as it is. we all know what he died of.

When I look at the Stars...

Last night my planned date was a hit-no surprises there, I have to admit when there's a theme I normally excel ;)
So our theme was: stargazing. We had been wanting to go forever but it always rained or snowed or was at least cloudy everytime we tried to plan ahead for it. So by not saying out loud what we were going to do and keepin it a secret I tricked the weather gods. Our night was a 3 phase evening:

1st phase:

I made Cody drive and I just told him where or when to turn because his car has a link to hook my ipod up to and, of course, I had made a star-themed playlist. The playlist included hits like: constellations by jack johnson, yellow by coldplay, and selections from october sky. So I took us to our restaurant of choice: Apollo Burger...ya know....like...Apollo 13! (i know it's a stretch) I was thrilled when I remembered there was a restaurant like this cause there is a surprisingly low ammount of space-themed restaurants here in Provo....I know....a travisty.
The burgers were good and the fries were GREAT-perfect ammount of crispy and potatoe-i-goodness. In short, a good choice.
(disclaimer: I don't really like any of these photos of myself but my desire to share and blog is stronger than my desire to keep a certain image of myself ;)


Phase 2:
So phase two, I had Cody drive us to the Provo city Library-yeah, he wasn't expecting this curve ball, where we saw Chels and Dan! What can I say, great minds think a like. So I signed up for a library card. I feel very legit and a strange increase urge to read and gain knowledge...or atleast rent some of their movie selection. Anywho, so we got some books from the library to help us stargaze later. It's amazing how heavy astronomy books can be, but whatever...I gues they were good for the pics/charts. Then we had some fun reading some kids books like goodnight moon etc. (still on topic). Then we stopped by our apartment so Cody could change into pants to avoid the bugs (which didn't happen) and a flashlight and for me to get a blanket and our treats.

one of the books were filled with gems like this:

my favorite part: "The Fox: It's not a large constellation, and it has no very bright stars. It doesn't look much like a fox, either."

Phase 3:
So the main part of the evening. We drove up Provo Canyon and up Squaw Peak Trail-I know...how scandelous of us ;) So we stopped at the typical squaw peak look out just to see the view-it was pretty pretty I have to admit....and SUPER windy, and to prove it-the following:








BTW: my hair was staticky the rest of the freakin' evening!

So then we continued on up the trail for a ways and then we found a convenient spot to park off to the side of the trail and a beautiful green field over the rail-fence. So we set up camp in the field-picturesque, private and enough off the beaten trail to avoid cops coming and telling us to leave etc., but we paid for it in bug bites-the mosquitos were VERY excited that we were there. I didn't get bit too bad cause Cody is just SO tasty to mosquitos that they all swarmed to him. It also doesn't help that his bites instantly swell the second he gets bit- I dont know, it seems that nature doesn't want him to survive: tasty blood, yet allergic to bites, shrug. Ooo, wait, let me ask how they are doing....they're doing fine...he said he got 8/9 bites to which I replied..."that's it?" "ok, make it sensational, say 100's, say I was running through the woods screaming and slapping myself". Thank you. That's all I wanted-a good story for my blog 8)

so I'd say the first stars we saw were around 9:20ish and by 10:00 we could see a good ammount. The ones that we could recognize what they were would be: one of the dippers. If it was the lil' dipper than we also found the north star, but if it was the big dipper than we could have seen ursa major but it was hard cause the east part of the sky was really light from the city so we only could see the dipper part of it. OO! oh yeah, I saw a shooting star. It was SO cool! It lasted for like two and half seconds, so pretty long, and it was so bright-the tail turned white but the ball of rock going through the atmosphere was actually orangey-yellow, could tell it was burning up....it was so cool, it kind of took my breath away. Sadly Cody missed it. We also saw some satelites, planes, and tons of beautiful stars-seriously. It would get pretty windy so we were kind of cold even though it wasn't that cold. We lasted til about 11 and then we headed back. O yeah! I forgot the best part: our treats-also themed:

a 360 view of our spot:






hmm...i don't want to end on that pic cause frankly it's the least favorite of myself...oh yeah, so we watched My sister's keeper thursday night-talk about a DOWNER. I mean I have some sad/realistic movies that I love, that are life-affirming, but this was just...depressing....and we were both sufficiently bummed after it-don't go see it, the preview is very tempting, make it seem like it will be this warm fuzzy movie but it's really not...anywho......bce! (means 'everything' in Russian, pronounced: "fsyoe")