death and taxes

YES!!!!
i finally did it!
I received my first hit outside the states (it's up to you decide whether i'm talking secret assassin stuff or people who read this-either way it's way cool!)

Today is the day. Today is the day that I go into the dentist's office for the first time since being home from Russia. yikes. I didn't use to hate the dentist's office-actually as a kid I was pretty indifferent and after a few cavities, years with braces, i could just pretty much lay and there and sweat any procedure out and that's not why I hate it. I hate it cause more often than not I find out something is wrong and they have to do something which is very expensive and it seems to have been my luck that this always happens when I am not insured for whatever dumb reason. I remember back in the day when we'd just pay a co-sign of 20-odd bucks and it was done....simpler times....sigh

oh my gosh i'm actually talking about insurance on this thing?! I am SO sorry, sheesh that must have been painful for you-on better news, i've added some of my favorite classical pieces to my playlist so check them out and be cultured 8)
um...so i finished the count of monte cristo yesterday and it's the first time that I can't decide which i like more-the movie or the book. It's just weird cause normally the book is better hands down but this one i'm not so sure...it doesnt' help that i had already seen the movie so i was expecting a certain ending and when i didn't get it i was a lil dissapointed and the movie, for obvious reasons, was way more actiony which is understandable, but the book was still really good and i encourage all to read it and watch the movie too! Oh man, but the moment when the count leaves his lil balloon at the party that introduces him to society and he walks down the stairs in his long coat/jacket and it's slow motion and the wind makes the coat sweep behind him etc and he just has that lil smile and says greetings-what a great moment!!! man...I will ALWAYS love guys in those long period coats/don't know what it is about them but I love it.

well now that i've bored you with insurance stories and made all the guys queezy i think i'll call it an entry.

o yea! and happy 23rd to my best bud HEATHER!!!!
o yea, and i had a crazy dream that we were in canada because we didnt' want to pay to go all the way to scotland-which was apparently bordering canada so it was like a mini day trip to see what our trip in the fall would be like and i was trying to find my documents/passport or something and my dad kept saying it didn't matter that we'd worry about it later and i was getting really frustrated cause he wouldn't help me or think it was important and then mom randomly got sort of attacked by this way weird animal that almost looked like a boar-but we were in the car and it got up on the hood and i tried to turn on the windshield wipers to knock it off.
so ya know, typical dream. (i just realized that i made that all one sentence-yea for run-ons!)

Perceptions and Hope

Perceptions are really useful in giving you the motivation to step it up. There's nothing like hearing a close friend's perception of yourself and seeing how close or far away they are from the truth. It's always a humbling but good experience cause you realize that you need to step it up and live up to those perceptions, that you could be like how they see you. And if people have false, low perceptions of you-still works, it can give you the motivation to prove them wrong etc.

I just realized that in certain areas of my life I had less hope than in others. For some reason it was a lot easier to be hopeful on the mission which is ironic because statistically I didn't have much reason to be, but it's just a matter of being conscious of it and making a decision. Hope is something that has become more and more interesting to me...at first it seems (especially from a secular point of view) like such a fluffy last resort-no supstance, just something you have to do when there's nothing left to do, when really it will make everything work out so much easier when it's had from the beginning. But really, Hope is the ultimate test-i mean it's linked pretty closely with faith but it's really such an act of trust in something greater despite what outward circumstances are suggesting. The irony, if you can call it that, is that not only does it secure future blessings by having it-which is what you're hoping for in the first place, it makes the present more enjoyable as well...it just makes everthing better, if you have the eyes to see it like that. Obviously not everyone has the eyes to see the realities of hope...
is this making any sense? "no, but that's pretty normal after a head trauma."

stormy/emo serenades

rain rain please don't go
let it pour and let it blow

rain rain come and stay
wash all of the pain away

mmmm.....dog breath squares

There are these lemon squares that always seem to be at our different mormon activities and...I can't remember who pointed it out to me but...they totally smell like dog...kinda like wet dog.....(shudder) and as if the smell wasn't enough to repel you, the first few seconds of each bite taste like the smell of dog-don't ask me how, they just do...and then the lemony taste comes in and you think...maybe it was just in my head....this isn't too bad, and then you take that second bite and instantly regret your decision. I just don't get it. Why do people make them and why do they think they're good? maybe they can't smell it....or maybe I just have hyper sensitive sense of smell....like a.....dog....how ironic.
So I'm going to town with the elipses.....don't they just infuse what I'm saying with meaning and make it seem deeper, like there's more under the surface? LIke for example:
yaknow, sometimes I wonder... (see at this point you're like: what? what are you wondering??? when actually that was my sentence and i just got lazy and held the period down too long, but you totally thought it was going to be some thought provoking statement (ok, maybe not if you're a regular reader here, haha)

anywho, yea for random tangents...
ok, seriously i'm going to go off of the elipses for awhile, it's not finite enough for me at the moment.

I love my friends. They really are great and help me realize that I'm not alone-even if most of them are married ;)

So the quote of the day goes to Marlie: " I think you and I should prepare thank you cards, so when we finally do meet the right guy we can personally express our gratitude to all the wrong ones for passing up what would have been for them a great catch."

So I found this song by Kelly Clarkson entitled "Maybe" and I love it- I love the words, and I love the music it's not your conventional sound but I love it,it just keeps growing and growing on me. And it's funny cause normally I always connect songs with different people/situations in my life, but this song i'm not actually linking it with anyone i know. It's like....a song for the guy that I haven't found yet, the idea of someone i guess? I don't know, but I like it. DANG IT! I totally used an elipses up there, ok I'm sorry-you really don't need to go through the pauses I take to think i'm working on it 8) I had no idea that I'm such an elipses junkie

"Maybe" (#56 on my Play list below)

I'm strong
But I break
I'm stubborn
And I make plenty of mistakes
Yeah I'm hard
And life with me is never easy
To figure out, to love
I'm jaded but oh so lovely
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

Someday
When we're at the same place
When we're on the same road
When it's okay to hold my hand
Without feeling lost
Without all the excuses
When it's just because you love me, you let me, you need me
Then maybe, maybe
All you have to do is hold me
And you'll know and you'll see just how sweet it can be
If you'll trust me, love me, let me
Maybe, maybe

I'm confusing as hell
I'm north and south
And I'll probably never have it all figured out
But what I know is I wasn't meant to walk this world without you
And I promise I'll try
Yeah I'm gonna try to give you every little part of me
Every single detail you missed with your eyes
Then maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

I don't want to be tough
And I don't want to be proud
I don't need to be fixed and I certainly don't need to be found
I'm not lost
I need to be loved
I just need to be loved
I just want to be loved by you and I won't stop 'cause I believe
That maybe, yeah maybe
Maybe, yeah maybe

my dog is on facebook (of sorts)

As I was walking my dog today I realized that dogs totally had facebook figured out before us. I mean, do you honestly think that dogs are all excited to go for a walk for the excercise? please, they're totally excited to check all of their different posts/comments etc. Every lil tree/bush-there's a message. They're just excited to check and see what's the neighborhood buzz, who's chased a squirrel, who got steak for dinner, and most importantly how the cute lil poodle down the street is doing. I was realizing all of this as I was impatiently waiting for copper to stop at every lil thing and sniffing and I thought: I prolly wouldn't like it if somebody was bugging me and rushing me if I was trying to answer someone on facebook or write in here so I at least stopped pulling on his leash. My dog is a slow reader of his messages-honestly how long do you have to sniff it-read faster! but he's a fast writer so I guess it balances out. I wondered what you would call their network, but if it were similar concept to facebook-it prolly wouldn't have a very cute name...just random thoughts-it was a beautiful day not hot not cold. I watched meet joe black for the first time-one of my 5$ movies and really liked it 8) Brad Pitt was great in it, such funny timing/expressions etc. and I totally called the soundtrack-it was so obviously Thomas Newman all his stuff sounds similar-all gorgeous but just not varied: horse whisperer, nemo, meet joe black-very similar.

I got my contracts for my apartment in the fall and looking at the total i'd be paying for the two semesters made me gulp-i know it's reasonable, i just don't like looking at the big total sum-i'd rather pay as I go and not think of how much I was draining out of my account in the end.

things making me smile...

"I'm yours" by Jason Mraz
5$ movies at walmart
lost
impromptu camping trips
the scenery out my window driving home from work
copper (my dog)
the count of monte cristo (seriously, if you haven't read it, READ IT!)
movies coming out in may
my calling
small moments of enlightenment
talking about good books and byu at panera bread.
finishing my work-out without any short cuts
my schedule for the fall
taking two steps forward and one step back
balderdash
choosing a book over the tube

kicks and giggles

Yesterday was a good day. After sacrament I went with brother Sudholt to speak in the memorial ward that he was speaking at as high counselor. We talked about the atonement which is hard until you decide which aspect of it you want to focus on-I chose hope, having hope in and from the atonement. (Moroni 7:41 is such a cool verse) and related a story about a girl "Ksooshuh" that we taught in rostov who ran away before our next meeting and selling herself on the streets etc-apparently not the first time. As i sat there with her mom and her mom looked me in the eye and told me that she had no more hope for her daughter, that she was done, her daughter would never change, I felt very strongly that she was wrong-it was the strangest thing, and yet I felt so confident about it and still do. She took the book of mormon with her and after our first meeting apparently she talked with her mom and was so intrigued by us and how we were "good" girls and happy etc. I dunno, I just know that at some point she'll open that book or find the church again or both and I can have hope in that because of the atonement; it doesn't matter how far we've strayed, we can always turn back, it just may take a while.

last night the shaerer's (sp?)came over for game night and we played Balderdash- oh man it was ridiculous! Every time without fail I am moved to tears a couple of times it's just so hilarious (i'm talking about the new one with movie synopsis, definitions, acronyms, laws, and...famous people-they give a name and you come up with why they're famous. Honestly it's prolly one of the funniest games i've played-of course it's all about who you play with and i don't mean to brag-who am I kidding, of course I do! my family is pretty much hilarious when it comes to this game. I just can't wait when we'll all get together again with Eric (who is the king of movie synopsi (is that plural?) and Mike and Jess, oh man....the highlight of the night: I.C.C.S. (Inbred Cross-eyed Coon Shooters). or steve's movie about ray charles waiting for new surgical eye procedures to be testable on humans-man that one killed me, mainly cause that's all it said, just that he was waiting for something-sounds like a thriller.

ok, I want opinions. who is better Jack Bauer or Chuck Norris? (obviously you know what I think but I'm curious to see how far the insanity has spread)

go to youtube and search Britain's got talent/I dreamed a dream
watch it, love it, get some tissues.

MemoryLane

I rented and watched everything is illuminated with dad tonight. Afterwards he said it was a strange film which is big-if he didn't like it at all he'd just say that, but he chuckled at a few parts, and made a few meaningful grunts throughout which, for dad, is a success.
I always get all nostalgic after this movie for some reason, just is the closest movie to making the same feeling I had in Russia. I started reading some old journal entries from the mish and it was crazy, all the sudden I could see the apartment in Estonia. It was a niiiice apartment with the great glass windows that had the view of downtown Tallinn with the businesses and the hotel right there with the kitchen off to the left and the bedroom off of the living room, it was all just really clear all of the sudden and when I closed my eyes I felt like I was back there for just a split second. It was just so familiar. I remember how we would lay down on the ground and listen to "Memory Lane" from one of the EFY soundtracks before we would go out to contact/work. This song just summed it up perfectly for me talking about highs, lows, casting your fears aside etc.

Feb 19, 2008

"Knocking was definitely interesting today. A lot more people talked with us-less anger than you get in an average day which is always nice. I helped a бабушка step off a curb-she was so cute and that little curb looked so hard for her; I was just glad that someone finally said sure (to me asking can I help). There was one lady who let us give her a very short version of a first and we gave her a book of mormon and got her number so hopefully more will come of it. Then there was an old дедушка who started to yell and wag his finger at us, forgot himself, and we got the long version of the year 1947 (or somewhere around that) all that happened to him etc. That happens a lot here and I'm not a pro yet at cutting them off before they get going (and once they pull out a specific date you know you're in trouble). At the same time I feel bad because I feel like they just need people to talk at (dont' even need us to listen) they just want to be recognized as a person who had a life and its worth something, ya know? Because it's all they've got-why focus on the present where you do nothing but shuffle around the apartment in your sweats with nothing to keep you company but the memories of a world that simply doesn't exist anymore, at least...not like it was..."
Feb 20, 2008
"I slept amazingly last night. When we got up this morning the moon was just over the horizon and really big and orangey-pink. I tried to capture it on camera (without the flash of course) and it didn't do it justice at all. If ind it's more and more like my experience her on the mission. I try to capture how cool it is etc. but in the end, it doesn't do it justice so no one around me will really see the whole picture/what I saw. So I'll just lamely talk about it, haha, and I'll be one of those RM's: "Once on my mission..." while everyone will roll their eyes and think here we go again 8)"
Feb 21, 2008
"It's funny how planning sessions each night can make you feel so good. Last night, for example, we realized-we need to have goals daily or nothing will happen. So we decided since we would be knocking all day that we will teach 2 lessons. So I wrote that little 2 in the box and felt all warm and fuzzy...empowered with a purpose one might say. 12 hours later after the 55th door slammed in your face, suddenly that bit of ink on the paper seems to pale in comparison with the seemingly impenetrably solid door in front of you. It's not that I don't believe it can happen-I totally believe it can happen it's just...I wonder a lot if I'm the reason it's not happening...is it my language skill (or lack thereof) is it our companionship that's holding us back...it's true we haven't practiced teaching together, and knowing her style, I would be talking the most. Maybe I'll try and get us to practice teaching tomorrow...
просто, there was one lady who got mad at us and was yelling at us etc. I don't know why this particular time got to me, because honestly it doesn't phase me at all-you just sort of turn-off and then say "shasleeva vom" and leave. But this time I was feeling deflated and honestly had to fight back tears. Throughout the day I was like that-just tried to clear my head, focus on why I was there, focus on faith, take a deep breathe and get squished door after door after door. At this point I find myself wishing for tomorrow, wishing for 9:30 to roll around and now I'm thinking, well of course we won't get in if I don't even want to etc. Where's my faith that I felt last night?! Just hard sometimes...so we were sitting on a bench taking a breather before our last подездь when a kid we gave an english invite to came out and asked us about it. We talked about what we were doing here, the church and eventually gave him a first along with a book of mormon. I hope he's interested for the right reasons...well we'll see, but it felt good to teach either way, and we got a new investigator out of it."
This kid had been praying for help in not getting sucked into what kids were doing and didnt' have friends cause he wasn't joining in. He was told to wait, that two people would come to help. After we left and had given him the invite and he saw us sitting on the bench he got the impression: that was them, you missed them and came out and started talking to us. It's funny to see it from this side of things and just be so amazed at how the Lord works. He was baptized soon after and is still active and planning on serving a mission as far as I know.

I love my mission.

Say it ain't so tony, say it ain't so!

So Monday night was a shocker...here are my two theories, (obviously there's only really two options here) 1st. Tony is a true bad guy. Problems with this: besides the obvious, Why did Tony get Jack involved in the first place. I mean, towards the beginning of the season when they thought it was all over and tony came and talked to jack on the steps and let him know it was not over-why would he do that? ...unless he was working for some guy that wanted to not only succeed at his terrorist attempts but also so cocky as to prove he could win against jack, or it was all just a rouse (sp?) to keep jack and the fbi busy while the real deal was going on undetected... I don't know, it doesn't quite all add up for me.
Second option that my mom came up with (all be it, in the midst of denial that tony could be bad): that tony is still actually good but seeing that that one guy (whoops) was already dying and used it as an opportunity to gain some trust from the bad guys-the ol' just kidding I really am one of you in order to stay connected with what they're planning next. Of course this doesn't all add up either because it showed a clip of him shooting himself in next week's episode to fake that he was still good-why go through that when he could still go with the bad guys and take on that role? ....I don't know, but it's bugging the heck out of me! If he is bad, then Michelle just needs to come back from the grave and b-slap him so hard-seriously, joining the same type of people that got her killed.
anywho
there was another reason i was writing in here and that rant that you just experienced was just a thing in the back of my mind....crap what was i wanting to write about....
um....
.......pudding........

dang it! it's too soon for alsheimers! didn't see this one coming...and if I had I would have forgotten it anyway since my brain has the memory capabilities of a goldfish.
hmph...
well i really can't remember-and i really had an excited feeling about it too, ya know? like i knew exactly what i wanted to say and it was going to feel good to get it all out...
well i'm considering going to this tea party thing if my mom will come with cause i dont' want to drive in all that traffic. It's kind of funny cause on the news they were talking with organizers all over the country and then offering them tea etc cause it was cold and I was like....wait a second...wasn't the point to throw out the tea(in the original tea party of course, i realise this is different)-this is righteous indignation people! It's kind of convenient working towards a better government and supporting the Word of Wisdom. hahaha I was just thinking of the reactions the russians would have had at the original tea party-what?! you're just ruining all that tea?! why?! what's wrong with you?! tea is a big deal to them...it's culture. Frankly, if a beverage had to represent my culture I wouldn't want it to be some gross tasting hot water-why not hot cocoa? Everyone loves that. Granted I haven't tried all teas and there was one once that I actually liked and would drink it for enjoyment rather than to not die of the cold, but like all amazing discoveries, it was a one time thing. yup, I could never find it after that, sigh. but now i'm back in the ol' US of A where hot drinks are used for political statements and not for staying alive in winter so I guess it's not that big of a deal.

I really wish I could remember what I wanted to talk about...

MITCHELL!

"sorry Mr. President...I don't dance"

also, can i just say Jack Ryan (Harrison Ford) totally blows my socks off-all of these movies:
Patriot Games
Clear and Present Danger
just ROCK!!! go and watch them if you haven't-that's an order!

I'm baaaaaack....

i'm sure no one actually even noticed that I was gone-after all, it was only a few days of me not being on the internet but it draaaaaaged by for me. I learned many helpful things this weekend:
I can't have my dog ever sleep with me on the bed. It's just gross...all the hair...and the smell....and feeling that I can't roll over or thrash around if I want to for fear of smacking the dog....and I get so hot cause it's sleeping ontop of the covers pinning me down but there's no way i was letting her get under the covers. Yea...so I've decided I have to get a big bed when I get married cause I gots to have my space... course...maybe a husband is different than a dog...hahahaha.
anywho
Easter was great. Allison (my oldest cuz) and her husband and kids came over for dinner and then we talked/played around. I got totally owned by zak in disney trivia but have you read the adult questions??? it's like...who produced the such and such movie that you've never heard of that happened back in the 60s.
Lil calvin-their youngest was soo funny. he's like what...2?3? and he's totally OCD, haha. We had all gotten up from the table after the game and there was a cup sitting there and he got it and put it in the sink and when pointed out he pushed in all the chairs and made them straight. It was soo funny-awww some of the wonderful joys of the richards' genes. Allison asked if I was a neat freak like dad and dad busted out laughing (i didnt' think it was THAT funny...) I mean I'm not a pig, but I'm not compulsive like he is that's for sure. Now i'll just make his silverware slightly crooked at his place or other fun ways to bug him 8)

Me and Ben finally went to a movie-after each driving to a different theatre and having to settle for monsters vs. aliens......yikes. I was so surprised at the number of adults there....without kids...i mean what's their excuse? We were there cause there was nothing else at that time-last minute options, these people chose to come to this and they were laughing so hard like it was funny or something...there were prolly three parts that i honestly laughed at....shrug. Star Trek looks pretty good-excited for that one, but other than that-not much out there.

The one annoying thing about this dog sitting thing is that it threw my work-out schedule off and no i have to do 4 times this week which is fine and prolly necessary with all the easter candy i got. This was the first year mom didn't hide the baskets etc. I almost missed it, not that it took long to find-how many places could a big basket be? washer, dryer, freezer, big cupboards...that reminds me of when we were kids and mom would buy candy for sunday night game night and she would have to hide it but the second she left the house to go somewhere I was on the trail and would always find it and she would get so frustrated when she'd get it out Sunday night half eaten 8) yea...I was a candy junky.

ok, this one is hilarious and amazing. It's made by the germans, and you know they make good stuff!
haha

"i'm gettin' one"

snuggies

So yet again I am dog sitting but this time I have no internet access over there-NO!!!!!!!!!

so if you want to communicate with me,you will have to call me- dun dun dun! I know, i'm sorry, so i'm expecting a very quiet weekend, sigh.

my car is really pretty and shiny on account I washed it and cleaned it and boy did it need it. Why do we always get white cars? someone tell me...wouldn't silver be better-at least better at hiding the dirt...o well.

so at work I learned about snuggies...have you heard of this?! i fell in love with the infomercial. They are totally right, blankets ARE confusing! I'm glad someone has finally stepped up to the plate and solved this problem for us that has been plaguing us for so long. I'm calling it right now, they WILL make them for dogs, it's only a matter of time.

i'll include the infomercial for your viewing pleasure below, no need to thank me.

snuggies

Everything is Illuminated

wow...I just got done watching this movie in lil ten minute bites off the internet and I would have to say...I would own it. I can already tell it's one of those movies that I need to watch many times to get all that's there. It had comedic moments-especially if you know what it's like to be an american over in Ukraine and or Russia, the music was GREAT-I HAVE to get that soundtrack, it's amazing all the memories that can flood back through music-i just couldn't help but smile as I heard some of those russian/ukranian bands rocking out with their accordians and hip hop beats. It took me right back to my many marshootka rides, it's about as russian as you get. The only thing is i'm trying to figure out exactly how alex's gpa fits into all of this exactly...so...he was just a random jew in that town too who got "killed" but not really and forsook the title of jew because of...I dont' know...bitterness? fear? wanting to distance himself from all that happened and avoid future similar situations?
not sure...but other than that I loved it!

The Office - DVD Screensaver

The Office - DVD Screensaver

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in the corner

Ok, I just had to blog about an office episode i saw last night. They were all in the conference room and Michael Scott is blabbing on about something-not sure what, and everyone collectively makes these sounds of outrage/disappointment and then it cuts to Jim explaining that they watch the lil screen saver thing bounce around the screen and sometimes it seems like it's going to hit directly in the corner of the screen but then hits the wall at the last second and bounces away. Finally it hits the corner and everyone starts cheering and getting all excited and getting up to go,and of course, Michael thinking they've been reacting to what he's been saying, says: yea, sure let's stop while we're ahead, and then cuts to him saying: man, when i'm on fire, i'm on fire!
I just couldn't stop laughing cause we TOTALLY DID THAT! seriously, my roommates and i when we'd be lounging around the living room, and we would start watching that DVD screen saver thing cause we never turned off the tv/dvd player and it's true-once you start watching, you can't stop until it hits the corner and when it does....well, if you haven't seen it, i just can't explain in words how it feels but very fulfilling and very much worth the past thirty minutes you wasted watching a lil cursor bounce around the screen.

Holy Icicles Batman!

I am Fr-fr-fr-eezing!
GEEZE!
the thermostat reads 60 in the office and no matter what I set it to, the heater comes on and stays on for about a minute and then shuts off and the thermostat continues to glare at me with a big fat 60 as my teeth chatter.
I tried opening the blinds in hopes that the sunlight would do something-i think our sun is getting colder. I remember I read in the magician's nephew something about that. They went to some other world and in that world there was an old sun that seemed cold like it didn't give off heat. Sheesh, so i guess that means the end of our world is coming soon-stupid sun, don't you know you're supposed to give off HEAT? I dare you to give me a sunburn-I double dog dare you!

It's like in Russia in the winter. It almost seemed cruel and mocking when you were freezing and yet you felt the sunlight on you, not that you felt any warmth from it, just knew it was there from the glare in your eyes. I mean, what's the point of having the sun if it wont' give you heat-and don't' say light and or photosynthesis etc...highly overrated....*chatter*
So on the way to work a lil chime went off in my car. For some reason when these lil chimes/beeps go off in my car my brain instantly thinks: fiery explosion, as if the makers of the car thought: yes, now we need to put in a chime to warn the driver that the car will explode in five seconds, so at least they know how they're going to be obliterated before it happens. Well, as I'm panicking I look down and it says low tire pressure. now ever single little bump under my tires feels like a butcher's knife and I'm waiting for my car to spin out of control...I'm not actually sure how I would start spinning, but they always seem to spin in the movies...why not.
It's fun learning all the gadgets in my car as they happen, let's just hope I wont' learn about the transmission, engine, or brake chime while driving.

In other news, I watched rugby for the first time randomly with dad. We were trying to piece together the rules as we watched but oh my gosh!!! The definition of bravery-watching those guys man-handle each other withOUT ANY padding, helmets, or cups. It was pretty cool though, I'm not exactly sure what it takes for the ref to blow his whistle to stop a play....a lot, cause really they just tackle and do the mad dog pile, the ball pops up somebody else grabs it, runs, and they get tackled and a repeat of what i just described until they reach the goal line...pretty cool. As I understand it, BYU has a pretty good rugby team (thanks to all our poly friends 8)
I just kept thinking of the friends episode when Ross plays rugby with Emily's British friends and she tells him how to make all the guys cry-weak knees, ankles, etc.

stay cool boy

Conference was great as usual. It's amazing the difference from on the mish to off the mish tho...and not that conference changed, i'm just already that much less receptive. Well, it's good to get a wake up call every now and then. I was way excited when they called Elder Anderson-I remember him in the past from talks and was always impressed by him.
I watched West Side Story tonight. It's a time when gangs had some culture-I think they had a dance off to get in. A time when gangs wore ties, snapped more, and were actually surprised when a fight ended in death. What a depressing ending, man!
All the same, Bernstein can write some great songs, and I wish that all gangs fought with stylized dances.
So me and steve were joking back and forth and I had asked why military used military time when everyone knew what it meant-not like it's a secret, and dad points out that so they don't get mixed up with am or pm etc, don't want men attacking twelve hours earlier etc. some how steve brings up that what if they accidentally attacked a circus and that would just be awkward for everyone. So we proceeded to joke about what if the soldiers thought the circus was terrorists: "(homer scream) they've got tigers!" This is just a snippet of how the average conversation goes during Sunday night game night (well, between me and steve that is, mom normally laughs and dad either begrudgingly smiles or trys to ignore us and think of how much to bid).
*complete subject change*
Where have all the good movies gone?
seriously, I want to know...I'm trying to decide if it's just my picky RM self acting up or if movies so far since i've been home or really as bad as they seem. I mean, I remember growing up as a kid there were so many great movies that I would get sooo excited for and anticipating and go to the theatre and see it and totally be satisfied and fulfilled-lived up to my expecations etc....I have yet to see one preview that I thought worth going to the theatre for-I loved to go to the theatre. I mean, maybe i'm missing them, but seriously....are my standards too high now? am I destined to be unsatisfied forever or has Hollywood stopped trying? I wont' rule out the fact that I have changed somewhat from the mish as far as what movies i like to watch, but I'd like to think i haven't changed THAT much and am hoping the movies are just seriously not good, cause I really like getting excited about a movie and it actually living up to all the hype...
where have all the good movies gone?

life dreams *check* hmm...productive weekend

I'm quickly realizing that I need to come up with new dreams and fast. I'm fulfilling dreams that I've had since childhood at record speed. As a kid I just assumed that it wouldn't happen and so I never thought I'd need to come up with back up dreams to replace the ones that I had...a great problem to be faced with. I mean...I used to think that I'd be happy if I could just do a few certain things and I'm not ready to expect nothing more out of life yet, too much time...
I'm talking of course of seeing Les Mes Friday night. I drove (successfully not getting lost I might add) up to the Woodlands and went with Sara and Justin's fam to theatre under the stars and fulfilled a dream I had since I dunno....8? 10 years old? It was way good too, only a few cringe moments and really minor too so it was way good!
Dad is doing the final preperations for us to go to Scotland at the end of the summer...that I never thought would happen so soon...but can NOT describe how excited I am!!! But it won't be my last trip there-right marls? this is just strictly research and reconasence for our trip there at a later point.

so yea...I need new life goals and dreams-asides from the obvious...
hmmm....

I still want to go to New Zealand but...it was never an obsession which takes all the fun and excitement out of it...
well poo...

I want to go back to Russia some day...
I wouldn't mind seeing Jekyll and Hyde-some gorgeous songs....
oh! totally forgot. sheesh, how embarassing- a dream I've had since little too, to go to Egypt and just go explore around in the pyramids, that's still a good dream.
Ireland is still up there too....

I was craving a caeser salad sooo bad today and for dinner dad took us to carrabas and i got their caeser salad iwth chicken and they place, i kid you not, a punch bowl of salad infront of me. I prolly ate 75% of it and proceeded to feel sick and over-stuffed the rest of the night. I had no idea you could feel like that from salad, shrug, but i got my caeser salad fix so all is well.

I got some new running shoes since me and steve are starting our work out schedule monday-i've pretty much just accepted and consigned myself to being in pain the rest of the summer, feel the burn!
I also got a rocket's jersey. IT's #96-artest. I wanted McGrady but this was the only small so i get stuck with some punk that gets in fights and has not the cleanest record as far as those things go-yea! ya know me, the lil gangsta...just how I roll...

sheesh, I'm Abviously way tired and need to hit the pillow...

Up and Up

Yesterday
Is not quite what it could've been
As were most of all the days before
But I swear today
With every breath I'm breathing in
I'll be trying to make it so much more

Cause it seems I get so hung up on
The history and what's gone wrong
And the hope of a new day
Is sometimes hard to see
And though I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
And the light there at the end is
Where I'll be

chorus:
Cause I'm on the up and up
I'm on the up and up
And I haven't given up
Given up on what
I know I'm capable of
And I'm on the up and up
Yeah there's nothing left to prove
Cause I'm just trying to be
A better version of me
For you
A better version of me
For you

Now I have all that
i could ever need
the confidence of knowing
there's still time
to make ammends and
try to build a better me
to take the right steps
as this road unwinds.
But I'm finally catching onto it
And now the past is just a conduit
Right there at the end
Is where I'll be

You never cease
To supply me with
What I need
For a good life
So when I'm down
I'll hold my head up high
Cause you're the reason why

sister sister

"Researchers quizzed 571 people aged 17 to 25 about their lives and found those who grew up with sisters were more likely to be happy and balanced."

"Lead researcher Professor Tony Cassidy said:'Sisters appear to encourage more open communication and cohesion in families. However, brothers seemed to have the alternative effect'".

hmmm....no sisters and three brothers...what does that say about me?! hahaha
good thing I had a sis (ya know who I'm talkin' about ;)

dark as night

The clouds were so dark driving to work and they filled the sky-from horizon to horizon making everything seem really rich-greens are greener, the air just seems full of energy, nutrients, something... At least I don't feel like the air is that charged when it's just a clear day with the sun shining. I had the thought-maybe it would have been cool to go ahead and do meteorology but let's be honest...for the most part you're either stuck in a lab doing research or in a studio, not as many people are still out there actually chasing the storms etc. It reminds me of when I was...actually I don't remember but younger...middle school maybe and I was talking about wanting to be an archeologist and going off to explore random ruins and finding cool discoveries etc. and my dad pointed out how actually finding something big like that rarely happens plus it takes a lot of money to do those digs and how it's not like some indiana jones movie plus that's not a very good job condusive for a mom with kids-what, you'll just take them along on the digs? etc.
Now, I see how most of that is true now and he was just being realistic, which is who he is, but I remember feeling so limited all of the sudden. I had all of these fantasies of cool jobs, going off to far off places, having adventures (i wanted to be a storm chaser, paleontologist, archeologist, marine biologist...lots of -ists...) and now you're telling me that that's not likely? I suddenly felt like the expectation of being a wife/mother in our religion was like a ball and chain holding me back from doing what i wanted to do.
Of course, i've since grown up and matured and I realized that if I was seriously serious about any of those I could have studied that, but I still get these lil moments of restlessness/ nervous energy when I just want to go somewhere, do something out of the ordinary and rarely can I find something to do that satisfies it so I just wait for it to pass. Of course, it doesn't help being home where none of my friends are, and a job every day, basically every day being the same as the last. I think it esculates the restless bouts.
Not that it really has to be something grand like jumping on a plane and going off to Prague for dinner (tho, let's face it, i wouldn't be opposed) but just doing something spontaneous and unplanned i guess...for example one time me, heath, and...miller? were driving in the canyons at night and that queen song i want to break free came on and i think it started snowing or something...anyway, we parked on the side of the rode, turned on the headlights, and turned up the music and just danced/sang/ in the headlights and it was really actually pretty dumb, but it was random and totally of the moment and it felt great. Or like the night we were trying to think of things to do and we went to walmart and bought rootbeer and oatmeal because mixed together and when "thrown-up" it looks real and went around to different places in Provo "throwing-up" while the rest hid, watching people's reactions. I'll never forget the one when we suddenly stopped the car and I can't remember if it was me or someone else, but they stumbled out of the car and "blew some chunks" just as another car was driving the other way and they rolled down the windows and were all cheering (thinking we were partying/drunk prolly). See, it doesn't take much just...randomness in all its glory.
O well, the feeling has passed for the most part and I feel content today. I read a cool article in the ensign (church magazine) about peace:

"It is a curious commentary on human nature that men who cry for peace look upon peace as something that may be picked as an apple from a tree, something that lies about within easy reach of humanity. If I picked an apple from a tree, I have first planted the tree, cared for it, watered it, brought it to maturity. Then in due time I may have the fruit. So with peace. It is not a thing by itself to be picked up casually; but it is the fruit of something precedent. Like the tree, something must be planted and nourished and cared for if we are to obtain peace."

"It is a marvel to thinking men that those who write on peace fail to understand that it can be obtained only by the use of a body of principles which, if obeyed, in time would give us peace. We cannot begin with peace; we must begin with the philosophy or the system which, if accepted and honored, will lead to peace...the good things of life-above all, peace- can come only through acceptance of the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. He was the Prince of Peace. He is the Prince of Peace."

I was trying to think of why it is, in a nutshell, that living by the gospel of Jesus Christ brings peace, because I imagine some people who are strictly not religious would be annoyed by that statement thinking, well, I don't have to believe in God in order to find peace in my life-i can just be a good, honest, moral person etc. Well....whether you choose to believe in God or not, you're still living by the gospel-whether you recognize it as such or not. Basically when you are really trying to live the gospel it helps you to be selfless. It changes your focus from inwards, on yourself, to those around you and seeing the good/positive in things. Well, of course that would bring peace. The enemy to peace is selfishness-being focused in on yourself, doing things to preserve yourself and not caring about others or having charity, so naturally a philosophy or teaching that helps people have charity, be selfless would bring peace wouldn't it?

"on the floor at the great divide with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied..."

best game of my life

BYU vs Utah Football 2006 Beck to Harline Game Winning Touchdown

oh what a malay (sp?)

I really do believe in there being a balance in everything. Everything evens out eventually; it all comes out in the wash. Last night was a perfect example. Marla has the complete opposite of what I have but she would have to in order to compensate right? Too bad it can't be spread around a little more evenly ;)

So I bought and watched Penelope starring christina ricci, reese witherspoon, and my favorite james mcavoy. I was really surprised by this movie-was NOT what i was expecting, but it was still enjoyable-funny, cute, and...did i mention james mcavoy is in it? seriously it was all worth it just for this end scene. Normally I'm not a fan of when guys just go in for the kill, in this case, chasing the girl down and the whole forceful thing, but...he does it so well and in a non predator-type way, haha.

It's very reminiscent of a kiss he shared with anne hathoway in becoming jane...i'll see if i can find that clip-i'm having fun with the clips right now.

I need to get out more...

end scene of Penelope

Kiss scene in Penelope

yea...it's kinda like that...

Muppet Show - Bunsen & Beaker
by enahpet