dark as night

The clouds were so dark driving to work and they filled the sky-from horizon to horizon making everything seem really rich-greens are greener, the air just seems full of energy, nutrients, something... At least I don't feel like the air is that charged when it's just a clear day with the sun shining. I had the thought-maybe it would have been cool to go ahead and do meteorology but let's be honest...for the most part you're either stuck in a lab doing research or in a studio, not as many people are still out there actually chasing the storms etc. It reminds me of when I was...actually I don't remember but younger...middle school maybe and I was talking about wanting to be an archeologist and going off to explore random ruins and finding cool discoveries etc. and my dad pointed out how actually finding something big like that rarely happens plus it takes a lot of money to do those digs and how it's not like some indiana jones movie plus that's not a very good job condusive for a mom with kids-what, you'll just take them along on the digs? etc.
Now, I see how most of that is true now and he was just being realistic, which is who he is, but I remember feeling so limited all of the sudden. I had all of these fantasies of cool jobs, going off to far off places, having adventures (i wanted to be a storm chaser, paleontologist, archeologist, marine biologist...lots of -ists...) and now you're telling me that that's not likely? I suddenly felt like the expectation of being a wife/mother in our religion was like a ball and chain holding me back from doing what i wanted to do.
Of course, i've since grown up and matured and I realized that if I was seriously serious about any of those I could have studied that, but I still get these lil moments of restlessness/ nervous energy when I just want to go somewhere, do something out of the ordinary and rarely can I find something to do that satisfies it so I just wait for it to pass. Of course, it doesn't help being home where none of my friends are, and a job every day, basically every day being the same as the last. I think it esculates the restless bouts.
Not that it really has to be something grand like jumping on a plane and going off to Prague for dinner (tho, let's face it, i wouldn't be opposed) but just doing something spontaneous and unplanned i guess...for example one time me, heath, and...miller? were driving in the canyons at night and that queen song i want to break free came on and i think it started snowing or something...anyway, we parked on the side of the rode, turned on the headlights, and turned up the music and just danced/sang/ in the headlights and it was really actually pretty dumb, but it was random and totally of the moment and it felt great. Or like the night we were trying to think of things to do and we went to walmart and bought rootbeer and oatmeal because mixed together and when "thrown-up" it looks real and went around to different places in Provo "throwing-up" while the rest hid, watching people's reactions. I'll never forget the one when we suddenly stopped the car and I can't remember if it was me or someone else, but they stumbled out of the car and "blew some chunks" just as another car was driving the other way and they rolled down the windows and were all cheering (thinking we were partying/drunk prolly). See, it doesn't take much just...randomness in all its glory.
O well, the feeling has passed for the most part and I feel content today. I read a cool article in the ensign (church magazine) about peace:

"It is a curious commentary on human nature that men who cry for peace look upon peace as something that may be picked as an apple from a tree, something that lies about within easy reach of humanity. If I picked an apple from a tree, I have first planted the tree, cared for it, watered it, brought it to maturity. Then in due time I may have the fruit. So with peace. It is not a thing by itself to be picked up casually; but it is the fruit of something precedent. Like the tree, something must be planted and nourished and cared for if we are to obtain peace."

"It is a marvel to thinking men that those who write on peace fail to understand that it can be obtained only by the use of a body of principles which, if obeyed, in time would give us peace. We cannot begin with peace; we must begin with the philosophy or the system which, if accepted and honored, will lead to peace...the good things of life-above all, peace- can come only through acceptance of the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ. He was the Prince of Peace. He is the Prince of Peace."

I was trying to think of why it is, in a nutshell, that living by the gospel of Jesus Christ brings peace, because I imagine some people who are strictly not religious would be annoyed by that statement thinking, well, I don't have to believe in God in order to find peace in my life-i can just be a good, honest, moral person etc. Well....whether you choose to believe in God or not, you're still living by the gospel-whether you recognize it as such or not. Basically when you are really trying to live the gospel it helps you to be selfless. It changes your focus from inwards, on yourself, to those around you and seeing the good/positive in things. Well, of course that would bring peace. The enemy to peace is selfishness-being focused in on yourself, doing things to preserve yourself and not caring about others or having charity, so naturally a philosophy or teaching that helps people have charity, be selfless would bring peace wouldn't it?

"on the floor at the great divide with my shirt tucked in and my shoes untied..."