MemoryLane

I rented and watched everything is illuminated with dad tonight. Afterwards he said it was a strange film which is big-if he didn't like it at all he'd just say that, but he chuckled at a few parts, and made a few meaningful grunts throughout which, for dad, is a success.
I always get all nostalgic after this movie for some reason, just is the closest movie to making the same feeling I had in Russia. I started reading some old journal entries from the mish and it was crazy, all the sudden I could see the apartment in Estonia. It was a niiiice apartment with the great glass windows that had the view of downtown Tallinn with the businesses and the hotel right there with the kitchen off to the left and the bedroom off of the living room, it was all just really clear all of the sudden and when I closed my eyes I felt like I was back there for just a split second. It was just so familiar. I remember how we would lay down on the ground and listen to "Memory Lane" from one of the EFY soundtracks before we would go out to contact/work. This song just summed it up perfectly for me talking about highs, lows, casting your fears aside etc.

Feb 19, 2008

"Knocking was definitely interesting today. A lot more people talked with us-less anger than you get in an average day which is always nice. I helped a бабушка step off a curb-she was so cute and that little curb looked so hard for her; I was just glad that someone finally said sure (to me asking can I help). There was one lady who let us give her a very short version of a first and we gave her a book of mormon and got her number so hopefully more will come of it. Then there was an old дедушка who started to yell and wag his finger at us, forgot himself, and we got the long version of the year 1947 (or somewhere around that) all that happened to him etc. That happens a lot here and I'm not a pro yet at cutting them off before they get going (and once they pull out a specific date you know you're in trouble). At the same time I feel bad because I feel like they just need people to talk at (dont' even need us to listen) they just want to be recognized as a person who had a life and its worth something, ya know? Because it's all they've got-why focus on the present where you do nothing but shuffle around the apartment in your sweats with nothing to keep you company but the memories of a world that simply doesn't exist anymore, at least...not like it was..."
Feb 20, 2008
"I slept amazingly last night. When we got up this morning the moon was just over the horizon and really big and orangey-pink. I tried to capture it on camera (without the flash of course) and it didn't do it justice at all. If ind it's more and more like my experience her on the mission. I try to capture how cool it is etc. but in the end, it doesn't do it justice so no one around me will really see the whole picture/what I saw. So I'll just lamely talk about it, haha, and I'll be one of those RM's: "Once on my mission..." while everyone will roll their eyes and think here we go again 8)"
Feb 21, 2008
"It's funny how planning sessions each night can make you feel so good. Last night, for example, we realized-we need to have goals daily or nothing will happen. So we decided since we would be knocking all day that we will teach 2 lessons. So I wrote that little 2 in the box and felt all warm and fuzzy...empowered with a purpose one might say. 12 hours later after the 55th door slammed in your face, suddenly that bit of ink on the paper seems to pale in comparison with the seemingly impenetrably solid door in front of you. It's not that I don't believe it can happen-I totally believe it can happen it's just...I wonder a lot if I'm the reason it's not happening...is it my language skill (or lack thereof) is it our companionship that's holding us back...it's true we haven't practiced teaching together, and knowing her style, I would be talking the most. Maybe I'll try and get us to practice teaching tomorrow...
просто, there was one lady who got mad at us and was yelling at us etc. I don't know why this particular time got to me, because honestly it doesn't phase me at all-you just sort of turn-off and then say "shasleeva vom" and leave. But this time I was feeling deflated and honestly had to fight back tears. Throughout the day I was like that-just tried to clear my head, focus on why I was there, focus on faith, take a deep breathe and get squished door after door after door. At this point I find myself wishing for tomorrow, wishing for 9:30 to roll around and now I'm thinking, well of course we won't get in if I don't even want to etc. Where's my faith that I felt last night?! Just hard sometimes...so we were sitting on a bench taking a breather before our last подездь when a kid we gave an english invite to came out and asked us about it. We talked about what we were doing here, the church and eventually gave him a first along with a book of mormon. I hope he's interested for the right reasons...well we'll see, but it felt good to teach either way, and we got a new investigator out of it."
This kid had been praying for help in not getting sucked into what kids were doing and didnt' have friends cause he wasn't joining in. He was told to wait, that two people would come to help. After we left and had given him the invite and he saw us sitting on the bench he got the impression: that was them, you missed them and came out and started talking to us. It's funny to see it from this side of things and just be so amazed at how the Lord works. He was baptized soon after and is still active and planning on serving a mission as far as I know.

I love my mission.