Brightly Wound

I forgot about this song....singing it now is quite the reality check. I hate to admit it but my voice has gotten a lot weaker these past 18 months...I'm not sure why or what happened....but fluidity and flexibility of my voice is slipping away-not to mention range (holy cow). Maybe it's just a matter of practicing-building the muscles back up etc...I just hope it isn't for good. Just the thought of it sucks half of me away-I couldn't imagine living where I didn't feel comfortable singing/enjoying the ease of it-i'm not used to it being work...I'll do all I can and just trust that I won't lose it. Can't lose it. It's not a choice-I won't be one of those people who sits around and listens to old past performances and says-yea, wasn't I good (key word being: WAS) argh.

anyway, new subject. I almost hope something will happen and I won't have to face that situation-it would def keep things simple, not having to get all excited etc...that is to say if I'd even get excited-i dont even know if I would be still. Following? Good. haha
Don't worry-you're not missing much, all unnecessary thoughts.
awww...chris thile-it's been awhile....I love how music can feel like home, ya know? you put on a certain song and it's like you feel like you've found some sense of home and familiarity, like an old friend and it's comforting-you know the melody, the harmonies, the beats, the words and it means something to you. I like the quote from August Rush: "I believe in music like some people believe in fairytales."
So I will be at Amanda's wedding from March 5-7. I'm so excited to help and see everyone! It's kind of nerve racking in a way....don't ask me how, just...we haven't seen each other in a long time (except for Sara) and I always feel like there are these huge expectations or something....of what, I don't know but they're there and I don't know how to meet them. Amanda is so funny....she told me (and the bridesmaid's for that matter) our duties: stand in line, take pictures-enough to fill my ensanely big memory card (oh, and I will), and to dance.
At this point there was a long pause on my end...."uh...Amanda?....do you know who you're talking to?"
I was the Laurel class president and my own girls came and took me against my will to a stake dance cause they took my lack of attendance as a sign of going inactive or something-NO! it's a sign of: I don't dance, the dance floor is NOT my comfort zone. Everything about it is awkward to me-those youth dances, girls standing around the sides of the room waiting to be asked, music that's all romantic etc and yet i'm dancing with some strange kid I just met-doesn't mean anything to me just....not my scene. I guess I feel like that cause dancing (only talking slow dancing here) just seems really meaningful/intimate and yet I always seem to be dancing with some guy I don't know and or don't have feelings for-doesn't feel right ya know? I know I know, I'm over thinking it, just never sat down and wondered why I don't like it besides the fact that I don't know how...
But I will be there and I will do it because I LOVE AMANDA! YES! how bad could it be with all our good friends there anyway. No biggie...no biggie...
and, no, there are not butterflies going in my stomach at the thought of it.....
shut up.
i'm gonna be sick....j/k, j/k
but on a lil more serious note i do need to find an outfit and every weekend seems to be filling quickly with different babysitting gigs/ and I'm trying to go to the temple on saturdays which really takes a chunk out of my day if i dont' get over there earlier enough. O well...I'll find something.