I miss it. I miss it really bad...and I can't decide what exactly I miss-pin it down but I know I do. It's like this annoying nagging thought that is just distantly in the back of my mind but every now and then it comes to the fore front and my heart aches.
It's just hard imagining doing something that would bring as much joy as that brought me...so what does that mean-i have to lower my standards of joy that i wanna feel? sadly no, it means i can't be lazy or slack off but work harder than ever before to find ways to serve and get that same joy- atleast before I was ignorant of it and had somewhat bliss, but now i know better and can't go back.
transitions are fun.
I told my fam the "story" that everyone was freaking out about so I guess I'll just write it down here though it's much easier to tell so I don't know if it'll be undertsandable.
a long story short we were attacked while knocking in Rostov. Now it's not as bad as it sounds. Basically this crazy guy started yelling at us and so we crossed the street and started walking back the way we had come cause there were some taxi drivers having a break and the guy followed us and my comp looked back and said: oh my gosh he's running after us, we better run. So she took off and I couldn't just stand there so I ran the best I could after her (terrible shoes-remind me to sue sister missionary mall-NOT GOOD if you go to a DANGEROUS mission-you need tennis shoes made to look like dress shoes, but anyway)
so we're running and this guy is amazingly fast and quickly catches up with me-i heard him close behind me and thought of all those movies you see when a guy is chasing a girl and wondering/just waiting what would happen next-i didnt' remember what normally happened in those movies...prolly some hidden hero came bounding out and saved them, but anyway I don't really know what happened but apparently my comp later told me that she looked back and said he grabbed me/picked me up or something cause my feet weren't touching the ground and then dropped me/pushed me, something-anyway, i was down-all too fast to realize what happened and he continued after her (the whole time he's yelling at us to stop and asking who we are etc) so my comp knows he'll catch up with her so she whirls around and yells at him (in english) don't you dare touch me-pointing her finger at him and he grabs her wrist and whirls her around pulling her to the ground and goes down with her. by this time I had gotten up and ran after him and started yelling at him to get off her-luckily by running we were close to where the taxi drivers heard and came over and got them up-not that he was even trying to do anything once he pulled her down, just holding her wrist (i told ya-crazy) meanwhile she's scratching the heck out of his hand causing him to bleed and they finally get him to let go. By this time the adrenaline or a lil shock or something was starting to get to me and it was hard to breathe and I started to cry but my comp was great and explained the situation to them and they told us to go home and that they'd keep the guy away from us.
We weren't hurt at all-barely any scratches and walked home-the only fall out being that we didn't return to this area to knock-which is sad cause it was such a big area, and for a few days we felt really vulnerable/nervous in the evenings-this happened around dusk.
No biggie tho-just filled out an incident report and that was that.
hahahahaha, man just the irony hit me- i'm sitting here feeling homesick for all that....what you've expected all a long is true-i'm crazy.
sigh....either way i miss all of it and def feel like i left a lil part of me in russia and i can def feel the hole it left.
o well, shant dwell, it'll pass-it'll get easier when i start working
I remember we were talking with sister cameron once in the office and she had read an article in the new era or something about sister missionaries in georgia that wrote how it was so hard but then she read scriptures about alma and the sons of mosiah and all the deprevations they went through etc and then she said, well at least i haven't been beaten, put into prison etc, and sister cameron was so funny-she got so mad and emotional saying: i want to write them a letter, write that sister a letter saying: you don't know what hard is- i know missionaries who go out and get spit on, beat, put in prison and they still go out everyday smiling and trying to share the gospel. etc she then commented on a recently returned missionary that wrote her saying how much he missed all the persecution-it let him know that what he was doing was right/reinforced that he was on the right track, and now it was too easy/easy to get lazy etc. I kinda understand that now. There is a quiet satisfaction in the back of your mind when you're getting persecute knowing for what name you're enduring it etc, knowing that someday it'll all be made right and learning how to feel charity for them anyway-seeing how God sees etc...
without all that tension etc...it's easy to become weak/without the opposing forces etc. Have to find the way to actively work these muscles.
man I love my mission-always did, but didnt' know how much til it was gone.
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Hey girl, thanks for sharing the story. I'm so glad you are okay :)
ReplyDeleteIt was good to see you this weekend. I know you're feeling down about missing the mish, but that's normal. Once you get a job, I'm sure you'll start to feel a lil better :) In the meantime, you could vent with a little bit of rootbeer and oatmeal if you know what i mean :)